DVNLP Kongress Hamburg,


15:30 – 17:00

Liebe praktisch umsetzen - die 14 Grundformen der Liebe:

The anatomy of basic rules:

ave you ever tried to tell your partner what you need from him to solve a conflict for good?
Perhaps you know these  requests from your partner:

  • Grow up ...
  • I want you to respect me ...
  • I want more respect from you ...
  • Try to understand me ...
  • Be more present ...
  • Show me your love ...
  • Don't always throw a wobbly, don't always be so sensitive!

If those wishes or demands are successful, you have solved the conflict - or have you made them only worse? Did the partner know how to start? Not exactly, what?  
Why? What else is missing, despite the fact that the exprecion comes deep from the heart?
So that these demands (we call them basic rules) are truly clear, understandable, and can therefore be carried out and even possibly solve the conflict, 4 feel-good criteria must be fulfilled:

  1. Criteria: positive formulation.

    the avoidance of
- not / no one / no / without / etc.
    - Escalation without comparision (e.g.: I wish that you were thinner)

  2. Criteria: only one single wish and self initiable.
    Meaning: that the wish or demand can really be carried out by the other.

    the avoidance of
    - Wish chains like: „I want X und Y (and Z) ...“
- in order to / so that / X so that Y

    - I wish that Subjekt P .... 

  3. Criteria: specific action.

    (The action or how to act must be specific)
the avoidence of
- dependent verbs: can, be
- substantivized adverb
- verb with non-specific action
  4. Criteria: specific time / moment.
(The moment for carrying out something must be clear!)
the avoidance:
-Always / all the time X

Now you understand why it is not simple to clearly formulate a wish or demand. The first 14 basic rules fullfil these rules - otherwise they wouldn't be successful.