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Tutorial 4: Love and Sexuality

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18 Pages, 197 KB

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Excerpts of the Content:

1 Why a tutorial?

An insight we might admit to from our personal as well as our professional world might be that:

Partnerships do not collapse because of a lack of love
but rather from a lack of knowledge.
If we knew more we would make them work better.

Does that seem too easy? Perhaps, but it is easy to agree that we all want the same things, i.e. happiness and contentment - especially in a partnership. But how can we achieve them?  ... more

2 Everyday challenges

Example 1:
Jan and Luisa have been married for a few years and have recently become parents. They had both been employed in different advertising agencies but Janina's birth has changed their lives completely. Immediately after the birth, Jan had taken parental leave so he could spend the first three months with his family. It had been a wonderful time and they had had the opportunity to grow together. Unfortunately, the time flashed by and in April Jan had to go back to work full time.
He misses his little family and although her days are filled, Luisa misses Jan. She enjoys the intimacy with her small daughter, who already has a distinct personality. They spend every afternoon in the open. Once a week, Luisa meets with a couple of women from the birth preparation course with whom she gets along well.
As time passes, Jan has to concentrate fully on his job and rarely gets home before 20.00. He is tired and mostly, his little daughter is already asleep. 
Janina sleeps with her parents in the big bed, and when Luisa breastfeeds her at night, Jan is barely awake. Luisa has deliberately chosen to breastfeed and is pleased that it has worked out so well. She knows from friends that this cannot be taken for granted.
Physical intimacy between Jan and Luisa has been reduced to loving cuddles - and not just since Janina's birth. It has been some time since Luisa has really desired her husband passionately ...more

Example 2:
Sebastian and Sabrina have been married for almost 20 years. Their only son Rolf has left home and, following in his father’s footsteps, is studying law. Sabastian is a successful lawyer with his own law firm and several employees. His workload is enormous but, as he likes to say, "nothing is free in this life."
Sabrina, a passionate horsewoman, has a large circle of friends. For many years, she has been supporting her friend Anke, who runs a private riding stable. In the early years, Sabrina had helped with advertising and later, when the riding-school started to do well, with advice and organization. Anke’s most recent venture is the opening of a small but well-stocked specialty store in an unused stable near her house. This too was Sabrina's idea.
It often happens that Sebastian and Sabrina hardly see each other all week. Sebastian leaves the house early, while Sabrina is usually still in the shower. However, they keep each other up to date by telephone during the day, as Sebastian often has to spend evenings with business partners or clients. In fact, in recent months, his workload has increased even more, because his firm has acquired two important new cases. This means that Sabrina hardly sees her husband in the evenings. Although she is keeping busy - at the urging of an acquaintance, she has recently been volunteering at a social organization - she misses her husband. 
Quite naturally, their relationship had changed over the long years. From the early hot love, a good, humorous relationship had developed, in which both could nurture their individual projects, without their partner feeling neglected.  In fact,  each  has always revelled in the successes of the other. However, lately, Sabrina has been feeling that somehow they have lost touch. .... more

3 Some basic thoughts

Love and relationship – what does it mean?

  • Are you familiar with these or similar scenes?
  • May one partner “demand” sex from the other?
  • In a relationship, is too much importance placed on sexuality?
  • Fundamentally, should one’s “right“ partner be open to sexuality as an expression of his or her love  –  in the  absence of serious reasons not to be?
  • If one partner does not (longer) feel the need for sex, in the long term, should the other partner respect this?

and more ....